I had restarted this blog with the best of intentions to actually get into a regular update schedule, but life had other plans. It’s a long and boring story so here are the bullet points:
- Started Camp NaNo
- A family member went into the hospital
- Did not finish Camp NaNo project on time
- Husband had a birthday
- I had a birthday
- Husband went away on a business trip
- My anxiety and insomnia have not been kind to me
- Caught some sort of flu while visiting at the hospital, 0/10 would not recommend
- Husband came home from his business trip
- Got a PlayStation 4 as a joint birthday gift and have been wondering the wasteland of Fallout 4.
And that should about cover it. I mean there was also work in there too. But since I deal with transcription there’s nothing to blog about.
The spring session of Camp NaNo is about to begin and I’m pretty excited about it this time around. I’m trying a new genre this time around, I’ve had some ideas for a while and I’m going to see how they pan out. The plan is for a full novel, but I might end up with a collection of short stories. Either way, as long as I’m writing it’s more than I’ve got right now.
My schedule has been so flippy floppy lately it’s been hard to sit down and write. But I think that everything has evened out for a least this week, so I should at least get a good foundation laid out for the rest of the month. But I guess only time will tell. Lately, I try to keep my plans sort of loose. Makes it a lot easier when I have an off day or if more work comes in on one day than another.
I’m excited because this is also my first Camp with an awesome group of support in my cabin. It’s already pretty busy in there, and I’m sure it’s going to stay that way throughout the month. Normally it seems to go pretty quiet once the writing begins.
So to my fellow participants, I hope you meet your goal and have some fun along the way. I’ll be drinking copious amounts of tea to get me through…speaking of which, I’m going to brew some up and get myself ready for midnight.
For those just tuning in, I deal with depression and anxiety. It sucks. I had sort of a set back recently so it’s been hard to focus on much. I’m literally laughing one second and crying the next. I’ve had to up my water intake to make sure I don’t get dehydrated.
At the beginning of the month, I committed to writing at least 750 words a day for at least this month. I was hoping it would help me get out of this rut and would give a chance to try out a few of my ideas on a smaller scale to see which need tweaking and which might give me the spark of creativity I’m missing right now.
Depression has sort of stolen that from me it seems. I’m finding it difficult to write more than 300 words without feeling like I’ve got nothing to add and want to scrap it. I keep pushing but I’m guessing half of what’s written will end up deleted.
My head is not a fun place to be right now. I know I’m not alone in having to deal with these issues, but I still feel in my depression. This is not to say I don’t have people to talk to. I have a great support system, but sometimes you start to feel like a burden or a bummer.
Which is why I’ve been avoiding blogging and people in general. But the more I didn’t write the more I knew I would avoid it and then what was the point of restarting? I’ll feel better eventually and then just end up in the same place. So why not just come out and say it.
Hell, maybe it will help break the shell a little.
It’s been a month, no posts. So much for a clean slate huh? But to be fair I at least have a good excuse this time…sort of.
I won’t bore you with all the details.
The big one was my laptop tried to kill me. I shit you not. See my laptop doesn’t move much. I have a desk, laptop lives there, my clumsy ass doesn’t break it. Use phone or tablet for mobile stuff like ereader, music, and stupid addictive mobile games.
So I was quite surprised to find the corner of my laptop cover cracking open a little one day. Like the bottom part of the case where the screw goes in had broken. Weird, but okay I can still use my laptop.
Until a few days later I go to start working and it feels sort of tippy and the front part of the case was now basically opened up. Massive swearing and some gorilla tape later I’m trying to figure out what the hell I did to cause such a thing.
And then I notice a sort of bump on the bottom of the case. I show Chris, since he’s a low key teach genius, and he quickly tells me to shut off the doom machine and unplug it. You see the battery is swelling. Because of course it is.
So I’m now using an old laptop Chris had kicking around. I forgot my Google password and holy shit was that a pain in the butt to recover.
But I didn’t get exploded so I’ll deal.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it, last year was a clusterfuck. At least for me. It started rough and didn’t get much easier. I will admit closer to the end things were starting look a little better and I’m going to try and keep that spark of hope alive.
This year is going to be a year of change. I started small by setting some easy simple goals for myself. Write more, read more, take better care of myself mentally and physically. The hope is that these small changes will add up to something bigger. Because I have a bad habit of slipping back into my back habits, especially when my anxiety and depression show up and the doubt starts to set in.
My first step was to restart this blog…again. I know. I have to stop doing this. But I couldn’t see any other way than with a clean slate. I got tired of the shitty stuff weighing me down. Maybe eventually my sense of humor will start to show a little more if I’m not dwelling on the negative.
Also, I accidentally changed the theme when trying to tweak some settings but I liked it so I kept it. (And I couldn’t refind my old one but shush we can pretend this was all planned)
I rang in 2018 quietly with my husband playing Fallout New Vegas. Tacos and fun were had. It was perfect.
I wish you all a happy new year. Hope it brings you all happiness and it’s just plain old better than 2017 was.
Have a safe and happy holiday season. I’ll be back in 2018 ready for a fresh start.